Nevermind the Baseballocks

Nevermind the Baseballocks

Well hello there. I’m the resident fantasy baseball novice who is giving Ottoneu a whirl this year. This will be a bit more prose than science so if you are looking for hot stats this isn’t the column for you. However, if you are interested in following along as a new Ottoneu player learns the ropes with a dash of comedic relief then this must be the place.

I’m also an aging punk (punk dad?) who was amazed that his team name, “Nevermind the Baseballocks” isn’t in play anywhere per a cursory Google search. Again, does a guy with a fading, 20 year old Black Flag tattoo on his arm have anything to offer the world of fantasy baseball? Stay tuned!

For my own part, I like the day to day maintenance and routine much more than the number crunching. I am a creature of habit and fell in love with keeping tabs on my players and obsessively reading /r/fantasybaseball for tips and late-breaking acquisitions (seriously, that subreddit is basically a cheat-code for fantasy baseball – that’s how I snagged Juan Soto thank you very much). In any event, have no fear: I’m not here to bring down Ottoneu with my “ultra casual mentality” in the same way that the “filthy casuals” are out there, right this very second, ruining World of Warcraft and Destiny 2. Or maybe it’s more like in Point Break (literally the greatest movie ever made) when Keanu Reeves goes undercover and starts surfing at the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ beach and they kick the shit out of him and tell him to go back to the valley. I’m not trying to drop in on your break. I’m just saying there are two other writers on this site who will go HAM with you on the Sabermetrics side of the coin. I’m just more interested in talking about Point Break, discussing which is the best “The Damned” album* AND talking about baseball.

After spending a couple of days lurking the Ottoneu wanted boards and reaching out to a few folks, I’ve signed up for a traditional “old school” 5×5 format ($75) and so far all of the league mates are intelligent, friendly people. Our auction is this Saturday and I am starting to get together a spreadsheet and formulating my game plan. I thoroughly expect my first Ottoneu auction to be an absolute shit-slaughter and if I can snag at least one player I like then I’ll at least have a good reason to stay active in the league. Arenado may be my favorite athlete in all of sports these days so I’ll probably just spend most of my money on him and call it a wrap. That’s just good business. And I like that.

Check back next week for a full report on the results of my auction and review of my team. I suspect it will give me plenty of fuel for a “TEN THINGS TO NEVER, EVER DO IN AN OTTONEU AUCTION” article so keep your eyes peeled for that.